Dating, ideology & empathy

Hey team,

A lot has been written, recorded, and published about seduction and charm.

If you're interested in relationship topics, soon you'll see, through your Instagram feed, a bunch of influencers telling you what pick-up lines work best, how slowly you should respond to messages, or how you can make the other person get obsessed with you.

While some of this advice could work for you in certain moments, it's important to realize that these messages are more often than not ideologically charged, meaning that the political views of the content creator will determine the direction of the advice.

Relationship advice often reflects performative aspects of identity.

Creators project their political values onto dating dynamics, shaping advice to align with either traditional roles or progressive ideals, turning dating into a reflection of larger societal views.

To give a simple example, consider the question: Should men pay for the first date?

A conservative will nod yes and explain that if a man doesn't pay for it, it's a red flag that he won't be a good provider, following the traditional gender role distribution in which men should be providers and protectors.

Andrew Tate, known for his controversial views on gender roles, has expressed this viewpoint clearly in his discussions.

If you ask the same question to a progressive creator, they will say it's advisable to go 50/50 because that will set a tone of equality for the relationship, and women should not give up their independence and power, especially if they are able to provide for themselves.

Matthew Hussey puts this argument wonderfully, even with the audience against him.

I'm not here to judge what you think is best.

We all are complex beings and have both conservative and progressive views.

In any case, I want you to notice that there are no universal rules in the world of dating, and it's a field of political dispute.

There is no objective truth, only particular, subjective visions on how we should relate.

Those who believe traditional gender roles were good will try to convince people that it’s attractive for a man to pay for a date, while progressives will send a message of equality and a redefinition of roles.

One close friend of mine took a clever strategy on this: he confidently asks for permission to pay for the date.

It could be something in the middle of the two worlds:

Is it ok if I pay for this dinner? You can pay for the next one ;) 

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Thinking through first principles, I was trying to identify common threads in the two perspectives.

And I believe I found some answers in the writings of Robert Greene, who has a book called The Art Of Seduction, and Dale Carnegie with his classic How To Win Friends & Influence People.

Regardless of the ideological lens, both conservative and progressive approaches miss a crucial element that transcends these categories: being outwardly directed.

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To illustrate this with an example, let's look at the story of one of the greatest seducers of all time: Benjamin Disraeli.

Benjamin was a Jewish man, dark-skinned, who lived in 19th-century England and managed to become Prime Minister.

This was a great achievement, given the enormous prejudices against Jewish and Black people.

But he made it anyway.

In fact, Queen Victoria was profoundly in love with him.

How is it possible that a person with so many disadvantages could manage to achieve such a good reputation and charisma?

The key is simple and was nicely explained by a woman, Jennie Jerome, who spent time with Disraeli and his fierce political opponent, William Gladstone.

This was the main difference between the two:

“After I left the room after sitting next to Gladstone:

I thought he was the cleverest man in England.

But after sitting next to Disraeli:

I thought I was the cleverest woman in England."

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It doesn't actually matter whether you pay for the date or not, as long as you are able to immerse yourself in the other person's world.

If you're able to leave the boundaries of yourself and show genuine curiosity about them, you've succeeded.

The key to seduction, whether romantic or platonic, is making the other person feel special.

When you've truly paid attention, asked thoughtful questions, and shown empathy, you'll instinctively know if you should pay for the date or let them.

Don't be interesting, be interested.

Peace.

The Start of Something New

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.